I Give You My Fear, I Give You My Love
by PirateChickxArrg
Summary: Hisoka ponders on his feelings for Tsuzuki. Though he is scared of love and what it brings, it's something he will give to Tsuzuki. [ Hisoka x Tsuzuki ]


I Give You My Fear, I Give You My Love

Tears trailed down silky smooth cheeks, of the emerald-eyed beauty sitting alone under a Sakura tree. Once again Hisoka was thinking of what had happened ever since he had become a Guardian of Death, and even before. Muraki. The name signaled more tears, and anger. Tsuzuki. Warmth to his heart. He hated that though.

He hated the fact that he was, what he thought, falling in love with his partner. He hated that when Tsuzuki was with him he was happy. Seem stupid to him, though. He wanted to be happy, but when he was with the one person who actually made him that way he just wanted him gone.

Love. The word alone terrified him. He had never actually been loved by anyone. He didn't know how it felt to be loved or to love. He just knew that most people ended up hurt in the end and he didn't want that. He couldn't suffer another heartache. It was too much for the young shinigami.

To many of his friends he explained how he felt when Tsuzuki was around, and when the conversation was over they would usually smile and pat him on the back and tell him he was in love.

Again, love. It's different to all people. Some people don't take love as seriously as others. Some people live their whole lives waiting for that one perfect person and when they find them they are still scared to say the three words, I love you.' How would they know? How could they know for sure who they thought was the perfect person, actually was the perfect person?

A soft sigh escaped parted lips, as he wiped away his tears with the sleeve of his black shirt. _I just won't show him. He will never know. He won't be able to tell…_Hisoka thought, making up his mind. He would hide his feelings. He would be angry with Tsuzuki. For what, thought? Being perfect?

"Hisoka, are you alright?" Hisoka turned his gaze towards the owner of the voice. Great. He would already have to deal with Tsuzuki. Emerald eyes turned to the ground without a word. "Hisoka?"

"Go away." Hisoka growled. "Stop pretending like you care. I-I'm sick of it." He was losing it. He knew it would hurt Tsuzuki… yet he continued. "I don't want you around me. So go… Leave me alone. I don't trust you." Tears were stinging his eyes. In a moment he was yanked to his feet and a startled gasp escaped his throat. As the older man dropped his arm he looked into his eyes.

Tsuzuki was _crying_. Hisoka stared. He didn't think what he said would make his partner cry. Now he felt like a total bastard.

The older man completely exploded. "Make a fist!" He screamed at Hisoka, startling the young boy. "Make a fist, dammit!" Hisoka was just staring at him, eyes wide. "Make a fist and hit me. Hit me in the face as hard as you can!" He was choking back his tears. "That's how bad your words hurt!"

Waves of emotion radiated of Tsuzuki, hitting the young shinigami full force. He was feeling a little dizzy.

"Hisoka, how can you think I am pretending to care? I can't _pretend_ to love you as much as I do!" Hisoka started at Tsuzuki. Those words. Those horrible words that he didn't want to hear. Especially not from Tsuzuki… "And dammit, why don't you trust me!" He covered his face with his hands for a moment.

"Idiot!" Hisoka cried. "You don't love me. You can't love me. I won't let you…" Tsuzuki uncovered his face and let his arms fall limply to his sides. He had dried his tears and replaced them with anger.

"You can't stop me." He was mad, and Hisoka had never seen his that way. "I'm gonna love you and I'm gonna love you with all my heart. I don't care what you say, or want." As soon as those words escaped his mouth something inside of Hisoka snapped. He couldn't control it anymore…

He flung himself at Tsuzuki full force, making the bigger man crash into a tree with a gasp. Hisoka's lips crashed into his and his arms snaked up around his neck. Tsuzuki, after several moments of shock, responded to the kiss. He wrapped his arms around the smaller frame of his partner and leaned closer, deepening the kiss. That's when he decided to take over. He smirked slightly, and began licking Hisoka's bottom lip begging for entrance. Hisoka gladly allowed it. While exploring Hisoka's mouth, three words came to mind: Soft, sweet, and warm. He immediately thought of a doughnut.

Finally they pulled away from eachother, both gasping for air. Hisoka buried his face in Tsuzuki's chest and cried. "I'm sorry… I was just scared. I didn't mean to hurt you. I trust you with all my heart Tz-"

"Shh… I know." Tsuzuki whispered. "I love you Hisoka, God I love you." He hugged the boy closer and planted a chaste kiss on the top of his head, the feathery sandy brown hair tickling his lips.

"I love you too… Tsuzuki…" Hisoka said softly


End file.
